Stop Avoiding Failure!

It’s often very difficult to get people to reframe their belief that failure is something to try and avoid at all costs. People are often afraid to strive for the thing that will make them the happiest because they don’t feel like they would survive if it didn’t work out.

Examples of this are: 

“It would be so embarrassing if I asked that person out and they weren’t interested. I would be completely humiliated.” 

“I’m not going to apply for that job or to that school. I’m just not qualified. Why would I waste my time?” 

“I’ve tried to quit drinking but I mess it up every time. I’m just not disciplined enough.” 

One thing I tell parents is that one of the most important things they can do for their kids is to talk about their own failures. This normalizes failing and makes it much easier for kids to come talk to their parents about their own perceived failings as opposed to avoiding accountability and vulnerability.

Think about it. Don’t we want the people we care about to strive for their biggest, best life? Don’t we tell people to “aim high?”

Let’s reframe the above statements: 

“I’m going to ask that person out. What’s the worst that could happen? Even if they say ‘no’ I don’t know it’s about me. They might have a partner or are just in town visiting people.” 

“I’m going to do my best to show this job/school why they want me. Maybe the right person looks at my application.” 

“I’m not different than other people. Most people that quit drinking aren’t able to be successful their first time. As long as I don’t fail the same way I have before I’m one step closer to getting where I want to be." 

Two of my favorite quotes are:

“Make a thousand mistakes just don’t make the same mistake a thousand times.”

And

“A ship is safest at the shore but that’s not what it was built for.” 

Today, summon your best “fuck it” energy and go for it. No matter how it turns out, remember that you’ll be OK on the other side.